The controversial Canadian artist Jared The Jew, uninvited to The 60th Venice Biennale where this year’s theme is Foreigners Everywhere, today revealed his unofficial biennale submission: Made In Canada Welcomes Foreigners Willing To Work, a comprehensive economic policy proposal.

(The Venice Biennale is the Olympics of art held every two years. Countries have pavilions where their selected artists showcase creations aligned with yearly themes.)

With the greatest mass movement of humans in recorded civilized history — families fleeing war-torn regions, environmental disasters, drug gangs, or economic conditions that are so dreadful they do the unthinkable and leave their homeland on an epic journey filled with adversity — Made In Canada has a proposal to ease the global Foreigner situation. 

Made In Canada Welcomes Foreigners Willing To Work in special economic zones, complete with factories, and end-to-end social services, including hospitals, housing, and best-in-class schools offering advanced programs in engineering, science, and technology. Foreigners are contractually required to work in Made In Canada special economic zones for seven years. Family and individual housing is provided by employers; childcare is fully funded and children receive advanced STEM schooling. After seven years, Foreigner families graduate from the zones, entering the general Canadian population. During their seven-year term in the zones, Foreigners can freely enter and exit the zones during their time off, but they are required to fulfill their work obligations. If at some point during their contractually obligated seven year term Foreigners change their minds and wish to end their Made In Canada contracts they and their families will be flown to their native country.

Made In Canada special economic zones are funded in part by the Government of Canada, but are primarily funded by companies and corporations wishing to mass-produce goods in Canada for domestic consumption and global exports. All facilities are regulated by Canadian standard practice, with the exception of minimum wages and labor-related regulations, which are structured to ensure maximum profitability for the participating companies and corporations. Average wages within Made In Canada’s special economic zones are tightly regulated and strategically tied to compete with the low-wage labor of Mexico and China ($4-$7 (USD) an hour).

Canadian citizens are welcome to live and work at Made In Canada special economic zones. Subject to the same hourly wage labor requirements and work regimens as Foreigners, Canadian families can also take advantage of stable long-term economic opportunities.

The mission of Made In Canada is threefold. First, to create a sustainable solution for the largest mass migration of humans in civilized history by providing an economically stable destination for Foreigners fleeing adversity and willing to work. Secondly, to develop sustainable solutions for Canadian industries suffering from labor shortages. Currently, the Government of Canada imports offshore temporary Foreigners to fill the labor gap, which is ironically creating inflationary pressure on the broader Canadian economy. Lastly and most importantly, the mission of Made In Canada is to create a premier educational pipeline for the advancement of industries in Canada. By educating adult Foreigners in Canadian work ethics and foreign children in advanced STEM fields, Canada will strategically cultivate a culturally diverse and advanced economy, positioning the country to tackle the future by building spaceships and next-generation energy solutions instead of serving coffee and donuts in the years ahead.

In addition to this a proposal to ease the global foreigner situation, Made In Canada will also provide free childcare and advanced degrees to the general Canadian population. Publicly funded advanced degrees contractually require recipients to stay in Canada for two decades, alternatively, those wishing to depart Canada must pay annual penalties to break their contract and recuperate government funded education subsidies. Made In Canada will also fund these programs by implementing a wealth tax on high-income Canadians: 2% annual tax on those holding wealth portfolios of >$50MM and 3% annual tax for >$1B portfolios. If high-income Canadians depart Canada to avoid taxation, they are subject to a 50%  wealth departure tax.

While Made In Canada’s proposals will potentially induce cognitive dissonance with some Canadians, this will pass when these Canadians realize they are already complicit in the international slave trade by the very clothing on their backs. Other Canadians may grumble that they don’t want ‘these Foreigners bringing their problems to Canada’, this too will pass when they realize that these Foreigners are incredibly strong and capable, for only the most ambitious Foreigners successfully reach asylum, having traveled through extreme circumstances; these Foreigners are willing to work. For Canadian lucky-duckies who have the means to buy fair-trade and do not engage in international slavery, but still find Made In Canada deplorable, they are invited to volunteer at Made In Canada economic zones. Made In Canada appreciates that these ideas are controversial and potentially could lead to someone getting assassinated, however, these ideas are more rational that the status quo, no? 

Made In Canada Welcomes Foreigners Willing To Work